Start at the beginning? The Reprobate Niche: Part one
The world is full of misunderstood men.
Good Morning Blog Readers, sorry it’s been a few days, I’ve had a few interesting experiences I may share later when my mind floats down, so hot….
A dear commenter has asked yours truly to let you know what I think about this subject but my head is swimming with exclamations and I may not be very cohesive in my thinking.
It has become a joke hasn’t it, no matter how much it’s true, you hear it said everywhere as an excuse for all types of misbehaviour. “My wife doesn’t understand me.” Supposedly some fella looking for something he doesn’t get at home. I know that some men are players and they will never change, if you have yourself one of them you have my sympathy. Some women are players too, of course.
The lack of understanding, is it indicative of a lack of communication? Interest? Boredom? “We used to have great sex but now she’s not interested.” I’m kind of in the mind that you haven’t stopped to process the thought that you no longer understand each other.
Men and women do think differently about sex, for some men it’s a primal need to spread the seed. He’s a primed and guided missile of the evolutionary process of nature, with one target in mind! Some need to feel valued, to be touched and held, they still want get their rocks off but with that special one.
She has that rather overwhelming biological clock, tick tock… Find the perfect donor, procreate, job done. Some women find the whole thing rather too alarming but for every one of those I’m sure there is one like me, who doesn’t and maybe a large percentage who need and want more than a straight forward bonk….
He might be madly in love with his wife and adore her but if she doesn’t want him sexually or attempt to fulfil his needs, then yes, I will agree, she doesn’t understand him. For both often the need for connection, romance and adoration is more important than the desire for sexual relief, but as I’ve said before, Mr Wonderful becomes Mr OhTooFamiliar which can be comforting but lacks the thrill and rose-tintedness of the early years. Or maybe he feels he gives and gives and gets no affirmation in return.
Honestly folks I’m not a sex therapist and I appreciate your trust in asking me but there are sooooo many variables.
But why? If there was a “We used to have great sex once” is there not a “We have such great sex now”?
Well, basically life, mate… Life.
There are many factors, firstly remove all those women who never really understood or wanted sex or intimacy, if you married one of those, what were you thinking? Then look at lives of the lucky ones that got great sex once upon a time, what is now different?
Time? Oh yeah, time… that bastard. Full time jobs, full time child care, fitness classes, doing chores, community commitments… Add that to the next one…
Tiredness? From everything above… and also add the next one…
Privacy? Got kids? No privacy. Remember those halcyon days when the only person in the bathroom was you? Not sure I can. It gets worse as they get older, they stay up later and the walls of the house are paper thin, I know you think you are quiet but just the mere thought of getting it on with my children awake in the next room kills my buzz, and I love sex!
Those of you without kids? Not my area of expertise but I should think between 20 and 40 you’ve both changed so very much.
So what is to be done?
Well firstly ladies, if you don’t have sex with your husbands don’t grumble when he casts his eye elsewhere. I’m not condoning their behaviour but wake up and smell the coffee will you? He wants INTIMACY, contact and cuddles, the look of lust in your eye and some action; you don’t have to be an aerobic porn queen, (bet he’d not say no though) just participate with some enthusiasm!
And Gents, I know some women say they don’t like romance, they might not like the traditional chocolate box and roses but there will be something that rocks their boat, would it hurt to try and find out what that is?
Generally it seems an ingrained lack of ability to discuss what you actually want from a physical relationship, I myself suffer with this, she who considers herself to be open minded and be able to talk about anything, stumbles over my words when I’m trying to express a sexual need or desire or just sounding the husband out to see if he’s up for it! It’s a lot easier to write these things down with the time for forethought or evaluation then to express them coherently at the spur of the moment. Life seems to dictate that we attack it at a ridiculous speed these days and sharing with your partner is just the same. No more for us the lovingly created love letters of long ago. Funnily enough, the mega fast internet age has given us the means to communicate together at our own speed and makes it kind of fun to do so. Try texting, emails, Skype, Gmail chat, Twitter DM’s or Facebook private messages. Write blog posts to each other. There are actually loads of ways to “Talk” that never involve uttering a word but if you approach it candidly and honestly, it’s got to help hasn’t it?
And sometimes, you have to admit that you have both grown, that you are no longer in the same book, let alone the same page! Sadly, this happens, it’s what you do about it and how that matters.
So reader, your wife doesn’t understand you…. Have you tried asking her why?
Penny and …
Penny slipped into the rather unforgiving chair in the tea shop garden. The cafe was on the tourist route but in late October there were not so many tourists about so she was thankfully all alone. Tea cups jangled noisily in the distance but the garden was secluded and peaceful, the only noise a soft breeze through the fallen leaves.
Penny didn’t like to spend much time alone with her thoughts, her life was busy as a successful business owner and mother, although her input in Harry’s life was diminishing, she was still needed in the background. But, when she did stop her thoughts always turned to the gaping hole of having someone to hold, to touch and to be touched by, in the way only an intimate connection with a suitably attractive man would do. She stirred her Americano looking at the reflection of the clouds in its dark surface.
‘Penny for them Penny?’ she looked up into a pair of familiar grey eyes as Roy pulled a chair next to hers. In a brain emptying moment of pure clarity, Penny felt sucked into his gaze. Without thinking, she raised her hand and cupped his face, tracing her fingers down his jaw, she leaned forward and kissed his lips and felt his initial surprise turn to a smile as his lips curved against hers and took the kiss deeper, longer, pulling her into his lap and holding her so tightly.
‘Pinch me.’ He whispered. ‘So I know that just happened.’
‘No, pinch me, then we will both know’ He slipped his hand inside her coat and cupped her breast, pinching the nipple hard between his thumb and fore finger rolling them so the pinch intensified.
‘Yess…’ Penny moaned which turned to a sigh of disappointment when he stopped.
‘That seemed real enough.’ He held her face and kissed her again, Penny felt the fires stoke into a burning flame as her body responded to Roy’s kisses.
‘This isn’t fantasy this time Roy.’ Slipping her hand up her skirt she rose from his lap, wiggled her knickers down over her hips, down her legs and bunched them up in her palm. Snuggling back on his lap she pressed her thigh against his cock bulging in his trousers. He grinned at her, the cheeky mirthful grin she had always loved.
‘Open.’ She instructed with a raised eyebrow. He opened his mouth, she wafted her knickers under his nose and then pressed them lightly, crouch first into his mouth. His eye closed as he sucked on the lacy fabric, heaven written on his lovely face. ‘Good?’ she tugged the fabric from his mouth and pushed them into his jacket pocket.
‘You are so much more than I imagined.’ he chuckled.
‘You imagined? Us? So did I but you’ve never made me think…’
‘Penny, really? You’re amazing, a tour de force, a true Goddess of my fantasies, with or without shoes.’ She laughed lightly. ‘You’re not for mere mortals like me.’
‘For fucks sake you idiot.’ She rolled her eyes and mock punched his arm. ‘You are no mere mortal, take me home and shag me senseless and then I can tell you why I want you so badly.’
To be continued…
© Juliette Turrell