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Insomniac? No, I’m a vampire… a light sleeper, a day dreamer, a wishful thinker, a tree hugger…

I like simple thoughts, coherent thoughts, positive thoughts, happy thoughts…

This 3am, my thoughts are messy, jumbled, incoherent, confused. Unhappy. But with no tangible link, no way through the maze, it’s an unfathomable mess of depth without perception. It’s keeping me awake. That in itself is not unusual, I’m often awake at 3am, without my night time waking I sometimes think my days would make less sense.

But I don’t like this scrambled mess in my head. It’s like someone opened all my neat little boxes and emptied them all together.

Because there are things I can’t work out and I can’t understand and that frustration is eating away at my slightly archaic brain filing system.

Logic I have, it’s unique and straight forward, uncomplicated, it doesn’t like messy thinking, illogical thinking. Meh…

It’s time to let the mess go, let it drift with the clouds and become a distant thought, a glimpse of gold at the end of the rainbow which was never meant to be found. Not by me anyway. I’ll hold my own dreams, there’s never been enough about me to hold someone else’s, not if they are not able to. – Also known affectionately as, it’s time for a brew, a cup of tea solves everything even a messy scrambled brain at 3am.

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©️ Juliette Turrell

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