I rarely set goals for myself because I don’t find them motivating, rather I find them irritating. I’m a simple float through life and be happy kind of girl. That has always been my primary goal, to be happy. Unfortunately with my tendency towards introversion and anxiety it’s not always an easy goal.
My life ‘cake’ requires balance and large dollops of escapism with sprinkles of creativity. I love interacting with people but on my own terms, preferably in text in a true introverted fashion. This last year though, I have found little satisfaction in the fragility of online friendships, like so much of the world these days, a person at the other end of a phone app is not ‘real’ and appears disposable. It doesn’t seem to matter to others how they discard you when they no longer have use for you and how that leaves you feeling as a result. As a person who does feel genuine attachment to the souls I touch through this media, it’s discouraging at best.
Fortunately, I have met several rather wonderful, beautiful souled people along my chequered journey who have proven to be true friends. So the joy in connection prevails and I am delighted with this balance and less jaded by my experiences of the ‘bad eggs’ out there.
I was encouraged by one of these online friends to explore the joys of internet chat rooms, he said it would suit me and fulfil my need to be in contact at a distance, being aware from the outset that they are transient in nature helps a great deal, that I’d be ‘good at it’ (Bless him) and he was right I do love it, I can dip in and out as it suits me, still get to know people through my favourite medium and find true amusement in the humour of others. Unfortunately I often get frustrated by conversation that consist of one word replies, especially when that one word is ‘lol’.
Grrrrr that sound you can hear is me grinding my teeth.
So looking forward into January I have considered the possibility of setting myself some goals. They don’t have to be attained, there is no reward I can string in front of my face like a carrot on a stick, I just don’t work that way. Just goals of self awareness to move forward with…
A) be patient with people who reply ‘lol’ at least they are amused by something you’ve said. It could be worse, it could be ‘wtf?’
The chances are, their need for human contact is greater than your need for well constructed conversation.
B) whilst you don’t have to write something every day, once a week would be good, even if it’s ‘shit poetry’ or ‘slushy crud’ at least form a paragraph that’s makes sense and be happy that you can.
C) Walk the dog without your bloody phone in your hand. Step away from the internets! *hard stare at self* disengage!
D) Drink less… unless it’s water, and then drink more.
E) Stay hopeful.