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The Blog –
Just a short one from me today, I’m rushing out to indulge in some ‘soul food’.
“Loving yourself starts with liking yourself, which starts with respecting yourself, which starts with thinking of yourself in positive ways.” Jerry Corstens
Life bashes us, my word does life ever bash us. Every little, tiny, nano thought of negativity says with us and can’t be erased even with great swathes of positivity, even if its said in jest – sometimes especially if it’s said in jest. Example? You’ve just spent £50 on having your hair straightened and cut slightly differently because you want to feel a little glamorous for once and on returning to your place of work 2 people independently say how lovely it looks, you’re feeling great. Then some arse jokes that you wasted your money and that they’d have done it for a fiver, they are ragging you, you know they are ragging you but doubt creeps in and it doesn’t matter how many people say “Hey wow don’t you look great!” the deed is done.
Unless… you don’t let them.
Read that sentence again. Don’t Let Them.
“Be yourself; everyone else is already taken” – Oscar Wilde.
You are a unique individual, with your own inner processor and outer package that is like no other. Nope, not even multiple birth babies are exactly the same.
You are the only you, and that’s pretty amazing. So, anything you like and think is pretty amazing too, think positively about the small things and start by doing one thing a day that you enjoy, that makes you feel good. Start small, smile at people, it’s cheap and spreads a pleasant confusion in your wake.
Treat yourself well, respect yourself, look after yourself well, you are the only you you have. Think about how you feel, the way you think, you don’t have to love all of you but acceptance and liking yourself is a great start. Just start, think positive, know yourself, show yourself some respect and the love will come. Little things that make you hum inside, hugging a tree, blowing bubbles, kicking autumn leaves in the air, this is the stuff of soul food and we all need to feed our souls positivity.
After all, if you don’t love yourself there is a distinct possibility you will never be happy inside and happiness is not a gift anyone else can give you.
The Erotic Surprise
It took a considerable amount of good fortune and cunning for Rachel to have an evening away from her family. Usually evenings were spent with Tim in front of the telly, she wrote or watched whatever terrible programme passed for entertainment that evening. As she had no hobbies past her blog musings and didn’t enjoy the ‘Gym’ there was really no excuse for leaving the house that didn’t involve another person. The once a monthly gathering of the ‘Reprobate Niche’ as Mark termed them was a fixed calendar position and happened on a Sunday due to the travelling involved by some of them, a mere 20 minutes drive for her, if they all lived on each other’s doorstep she wondered if she would actually ask one of them to provide cover for the odd evenings absence, she thought probably not, it hardly seemed a fair use of their friendship.
This evening she was supposedly ‘attending’ a writers meeting, she had been to a few meet-ups before with some online writing friends and really enjoyed them, although she didn’t get any writing done, gossip was golden to a writer. It was always good to meet likeminded people even if you had to be cagey about your subject matter, she had seem the eye rolling she had received from her admissions of writing ‘Romance’ fiction. It was beyond her why such a popular genre was always treated with such distain by other writers. Good writing was just that no matter what the subject. It was a handy subterfuge.
Leaving the family tucking into a beef stew with assurances from Tim that he would manage and that homework would take priority over the telly she set off towards His flat, her conscious pricking her again, why did she do this, why did she need this?
They had spoken earlier in the day;
“I’m really sorry, I’m going to be late but you have a key. Yes?” He had sounded brisk, a little impatient.
“Yes I still have it of course! But…”
“Be naked for me?”
“Well yes but…”
“I will hurry I promise, I have a surprise for you.” His voice was tinged with laughter.
“Will I like it?” she sounded a little cautious to his ears.
“Yes, you will I promise, it’s something we have discussed. Do you trust me?” she hesitated for a fraction “You do trust me don’t you Rachel?”
“Yes, I trust you.” She could hear his relief down the line.
“Good, so be naked for me? In the bedroom… light some candles or something.”
“Yes, okay.” She agreed “I like candlelight.”
“And there is some wine on the side, have a glass or two, I won’t be long I promise.”
“I have to drive home…”
“I will drive you, don’t worry about a thing, just be happy and relaxed and enjoy your surprise.” There was a pause from both ends, he continued. “I will see you later lover. I have to go now.”
“Yes, yes you will.” She said apprehensively “Until later.”
“Until later.” He agreed, neither of them ever happy with saying goodbye.
Pulling up outside his flat, Rachel glanced up and down the street, the daylight was fading and she could see a few teenagers hanging around outside the convenience store further up the main street but nobody else was in sight. Looking up from the street she could see a dim light was on in the front room, thinking he must have got home in time after all she hurried to the door and let herself in quickly. The internal staircase was dark but she hit the timer switch so she could see her way up this narrow staircase into the corridor which ultimately led to his front door. The neighbour’s cat was sitting on their door mat after letting itself in the open window in the corridor; it looked at her hopefully and let out a sad meow.
“Sorry puss, can’t let you in.” She said tickling it’s ears. Fiddling with her keys she let herself into His flat. It was quiet and empty. The soft light from the lounge was warm and inviting as she shrugged off her coat and hung it up, then slipped off her shoes leaving them by the door, she walked into the kitchen an put her bag on the kitchen chair. Flicking on the too bright kitchen strip light she saw there was a bottle of Shiraz, a cork screw and a glass out on the side as he had said there would be. Opening the bottle she poured herself a generous glass and sipped at the rich berry and spicy scented wine, it felt warm as she swallowed and she felt some of her apprehension leave her. She did trust Him, they had learnt to trust each other over the year they had been chatting and meeting and he knew her well. Turning off the kitchen light she made her way to his bedroom, the bed was made and rose petals had been scattered over the top of the duvet, this made her smile. A few candles were placed around the room and a box of matches sat on the chest of draws. Rachel moved around the room lighting the candles and creating a very sexy soft, warm glow in the room. Happy they were all lit, she took off her skirt and blouse but left her lingerie on, although he had said naked she knew he loved underwear, she heard the boiler fire up in the kitchen, the heating was coming on which was good because she was a bit chilly, she climbed into his bed and snuggled the quilt around her, sipped on her wine and waited.
It seemed a shame to wake her she looked so peaceful, hair splayed against the pillow, breathing gently. He bent forward and kissed her lips, he felt her wake and respond to him wrapping her arms around his neck, her fingers in his hair.
“You are here.” She said softly, a little groggily.
“I am here, I have a surprise too, you can say no if you want, if it was purely fantasy, at any point you can always say no, okay.” His forehead was furrowed and he looked concerned. She nodded her understanding. He helped her up out of the bed and cast an admiring look over her body, her black silky negligee clung to her curves, the candlelight accentuated its sheen and it shone as she moved. She caught the look in his eye and felt a surge of desire for him, holding his face in her hands she kissed him tenderly, their kiss became harder, deeper and more passionate. Lost in his kiss, she suddenly became aware of a touch on her body, another pair of hands smoothing over her skin, she gasped and heard him whisper
“It’s okay, you can say no.”
Turning to look at the interloper, she smiled as she recognised him and visibly relaxed, their close friend, which the two men rightly took as an invitation, working in an unspoken partnership, she found herself in the hands of two very experienced lovers and closing her eyes, she let them take over, trustful that He would take care of her and neither of them would ever hurt her, she gave her control to them completely.
© Juliette Turrell